


It's a weird kind of pain

by ChickenLion



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, How Do I Tag, My First AO3 Post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 01:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20752349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenLion/pseuds/ChickenLion
Summary: After the funeral, I stood in our kitchen, and it was so… quiet. I had dreamt of quiet like that, but now that I had it, I was terrified.And alone.I sat on the floor, and I know how silly this sounds, but I hid under the table. That was where they found me.Anita. Makoa. Ajay. Even Dr. Caustic, and he hates everybody. They’d just as soon stab each other in the back. Or the front. But they put all that aside.To support me. The electrician’s kid.In other words, my take on how it looked and felt like back in that moment.





	It's a weird kind of pain

It's a weird kind of pain. You feel it in your chest, as if someone was trying to rip your heart out with their bare hands. Your head hurts from thinking about all of the what ifs, everything you wish you had or hadn't done. You feel the emptiness you've never felt before. A black hole swallowing every spark of light. It seems like nothing ever will be the same, nothing will bring the colours back to your life. 

Wattson felt like she was in a daze. Nothing felt right, nothing was like it's supposed to be. And the worst of it all was the quiet. Quiet she had longed for, but not like this. Never like this.  
She was standing in her workshop, their workshop. She didn't know for how long she was leaning on her father's chair, looking into nothingness. Minutes? Years? Does it matter?  
Eventually, she willed herself to move. It felt like she had to put all of her energy to drag her feet across the floor. She used to trek across the arena when it was being built, yet these few steps from the workshop to the living area felt like the most exhausting journey.

Then, a sound. Maybe the first one she'd heard today. The door shut behind her.  
And the memories flooded her.  
Eating breakfast with her father. He'd always make coffee too bitter, but his cooking was incredible. Often they'd talk about new ideas, or come up with ways to improve existing ones. It wasn't unusual for them to get so invested in the discussion they'd forget about the food until the smell of burning snapped them back to reality.  
During the day they rarely ate in the kitchen. Usually one would make something to snack on and bring it to the workshop, or they'd forget to eat at all. In the evening they'd never go to sleep at the same time. No matter how many times she'd nag him to retire for the night, and remind him that rest is as important as work, he'd say:  
_Oui, oui, mon bébé. I need just a moment. _  
She'd wake up in the middle of the night, hearing the machinery in the workshop, or seeing the light escaping from the cracked open door of his office. If he was awake, or if she could wake him up for long enough, she'd help him to his bed. Sometimes, however, all she could do was put a blanket on his shoulders, scolding him quietly, so he wouldn't hear.  
Then, in the morning, he'd sit here, with his bitter coffee, waiting for the food to heat up. 

Wattson's head felt like it was going to explode. She couldn't keep the tears in anymore, and now they were streaming down her face. She felt helpless, terrified, she felt so many things at once and none of them were good. Next thing she knew, she was crawling under the table, then clutched her legs to her chest and hid her face between her knees. Why? She couldn't tell. Maybe it just felt safer. The cramped space felt more reassuring than an empty house or workshop filled with all of the memories.  
Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, as she sobbed and wept, filling the silence. 

_Hey, kid!  
Natalie? You in here? _

She lost the track of time. Her vision was blurry, her face felt hot and wet, but she wasn't sure if she was physically able to produce more tears. Her throat was sore and she could swear her voice cords just tied themselves into a knot.  
She heard hasty footsteps. For a second, for just a moment, her heart skipped in hope that it's him. Just coming back from the work in the arena.  
She squeezed her legs even tighter, feeling another attack of uncontrollable sobbing.  
The door opened. But she wasn't noticed. At least she thought so, until something poked her leg.  
_There you are! _  
She slowly looked up, to be greeted by the look of worried Ajay kneeling at the table.  
_We looked everywhere for you. _  
A hand. She sluggishly grabbed it, just to get pulled up by a strong woman, Anita. She felt her eyes tear up again. She instinctively clinged to the soldier woman and hid her face in her shoulder.  
_There, there… _  
The air left her lungs unexpectedly when Maoka decided to go for a group hug with a lift. She heard Anita grunt with discontent, as she wasn't a fan of this level of affection.  
In the darkness of Bangalore's shoulder, she heard Gibraltar's uplifting voice. And Lifeline's demands that he'd let go of them.  
_The ring... It is a magnificent piece of engineering. You've got my respect, miss Paquette. _  
This voice belonged to someone she didn't expect to hear. She stretched her neck out as far as she could, just enough to glance over Anita's shoulder. She blinked repeatedly to gain focus. Far, leaning against the doorway, was Dr. Caustic, a man who supposedly hated everyone. 

Wattson was hit by a wave of confusion. What did all these people come here for? Why were they looking for her, the electrician's kid? She couldn't understand. But she felt a bit of the light come back.  
It wasn't quiet anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! 
> 
> It's my first time using this site as a writer, I'll gladly take any tips regarding tags, formatting and writing!
> 
> I'm a fluent but not a native speaker of English so some things may feel wonky??? Idk yall


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